while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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