he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
