I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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