Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
