I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
