My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
