I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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