I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
