what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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