Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This is my gift to your gina
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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