i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
