you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I love having hate sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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