so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
