So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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