She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
