Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
