you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
