i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
