hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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