the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
