Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
