dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
