so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
