god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
