If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
