Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
