She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
