he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i drank out of a bidet.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
