soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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