Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize