I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
