I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
