he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
