So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
