someone threw a dead crab at me
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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