well I can't set my house on fire every night
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
