The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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