rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
