Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
where are my eyebrows?
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