ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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