Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
