Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
