I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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