If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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