I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
