U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
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i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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