Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
