I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
