Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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