Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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