just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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