The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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