..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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