I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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