Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
