how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
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Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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