he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
