i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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