I want to walk on stilts...naked
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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