in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
