Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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