You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
